Tom Cruise & his Impossible Missions

May 18, 2006 at 11:15 +08:0005 (Movies)

If I were in Ipoh and crave the famous Ipoh Hor Fun, I would not be too please if the seller offers me a souped up version of their famous dish. Tom Yam Ipoh Hor Fun, anyone? No, thanks… just the Ipoh Hor Fun. This famous dish derives its fame from the rich soup base, smooth hor fun and the chicken breast meat topping. You don’t go for IHF to savour the taste of tom yam…absurd & ridiculous!! Of course if you just wanna fill a hungry stomach, it really doesn’t matter, does it?

Mission Impossible III is the type of gah yim gah cho (add salt add vinegar) Tom Yam Ipoh Hor Fun dished out by the commercial chef “Tom Yam” Cruise.

The original Mission Impossible TV series chronicled the adventures of the Impossible Mission Taskforce (IMF), a team of government spies and specialists who were assigned "impossible missions" by the unseen "Secretary". The team consists of the Team Leader, the Techno-Wizard, The Strongman, The Master of Disguise, and The Femme Fatale.

Its opening mission assignment (conducted by a pre-recorded tape), the theme composed by Lalo Schifrin, the leader's selection of mission agents from a dossier, the opening briefing, the intricate use of disguises and a typical "mask pulloff" scene near the end of most episodes….were the definition and character of any show that carries the MI logo.

MI3 is totally action and suffers from a severe lack of character. Director JJ Abrahm “interrogation” opening scene will never measured up to John Woo stylishly choreographed “self destruct in 5 second” exploding sunglasses and motor chase scene in Mi2. For his lack of idea, JJ filled the void in his Mi3 with a lot of firework that numb the senses after a while. Look like Tom has lost the plot and JJ was brought in to provide the pyrotechnic firework that made this Mi3 a very ordinary action film.

There are too much adrenalin pumping scenes that do not fit into the MI mould. For me, the scene that really does justice to the MI franchise is the Vatican Ball plot to capture the baddy played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Planning, deception, disguise, high tech wizardry and masterful execution…they are all here. That’s MI pure and simple.

Cruise’s pandering to a 1.2 billion Chinese market is so shameless and obvious. How can you hide an ang moh in China and of all places, in a river village? River villages are so backward; they had not been touched by development for the last 30 years. You can’t even hide a Shanghainese there without attracting a visit from the local police. I can tell you if Cruise were to produce the “The Last Supper” I would not be surprised if he cast a Chinese as one of Jesus disciples. Maggie Q is no ass kicker but a sad token wall flower. Q couldn't even deliver her cantonese lines fluently…i rest my case.

Instead of team work, we have too much of Tom Yam Cruise. Tom Yam rescued colleague, Tom Yam shot down drone plane, Tom Yam stole the rabbit claw, Tom Yam rescued wife….. Maybe because he takes a cut of the film revenue, he tried to do more. Slowly but steadily Tom is turning the Mission Impossible into “Tom & his Impossible Missions”.

The action maybe hot, but who is kidding who… this is one action movie that is ripping off the good will of the Mission Impossible legacy. Tom Yam is turning the MI into a bland popcorn franchise…niamah!! ACTION has not been this dreadful!