Talking back to your wife is not a bad thing

January 31, 2008 at 11:15 p01 (Married Life, News & Comments)


NOT that I agree with the title of this post. Fighting with the wife? You must be crazy! She is your other half, for goodness sake. Not in my lifetime, no matter what the health benefits. Anyway, why pick a fight that you cannot win?

I can think of others lesser characters that are more worthy of my unabashed 2 cents worth like those unreasonable clients, demanding boss(es), rude waiters, nosey relatives etc.

This survey is really sek-pau-mo-yeh-jo (eat full nothing to do) type. The findings are foregone conclusion and why pick of the other half who provide you with sex love and comfort?

 The full article from Reuter

NEW YORK (Reuters Life!) – Fighting with your spouse can actually be good for your health with people who bottle it all up found to die earlier, a new study shows. Researchers at the University of Michigan School of Public Health and its Psychology Department released preliminary findings after 17 years of following 192 couples. The couples fell into four categories: where both partners expressed anger when they felt unfairly attacked, where neither partner expressed their anger, and one category each for where the wife suppressed her feelings and where the husband did so. “I would say that if you don’t express your feelings to your partner and tell them what the problem is when you’re unfairly attacked, then you’re in trouble,” said Ernest Harburg, lead author of the study, in an interview. The study found that those who kept their anger in were twice as likely to die earlier than those who don’t.There were 13 deaths in the group of 26 pairs where both partners suppressed their emotions, as opposed to only 41 deaths in the remaining 166 pairs. “When couples get together, one of their main jobs is reconciliation about conflict,” Harburg said. “Usually nobody is trained to do this. If they have good parents, they can imitate, that’s fine, but usually the couple is ignorant about the process of resolving conflict.” Harburg said resentment was the real threat — and suppressing anger led to resentmentHe said it is the resentment that interacts with any medical vulnerabilities a person might have, increasing their chances of succumbing to that medical problem.“It’s healthy to recognize that you’re being attacked unfairly and it’s even more healthy to speak up and to talk about it and try to resolve the problem if you want to live longer,” said Harburg.(Reporting by Stefanie Kranjec; Editing by Belinda Goldsmith)


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life is a song

October 18, 2006 at 11:15 p10 (Appreciation, Married Life)

Women have bad hair day and open-wardrobe-full-of-clothes-but-nothing-to-wear morning and these two hit my wife this morning. As a consequence, i had to wait for 30 minutes in the carpark today. Called her on the cellphone repeatedly and incessantly but no reply.

When she finally turned up with a blacker than black face, and asked me “Why did you call?” in a tone that implied i was in the wrong. I must admit i was wrong for not being understanding and being childish with the calls but i was really angry because i was late for work.

I really wanted to give her a piece of my mind and start a world war three there and then. Lucky that didn’t happen. Whew!

Thanks to littlemissmay post yesterday of answer-a-question-with-a-song, i managed to hold back my horse and broke into the chorus of one of Stevie Wonder songs….

I just called to say “I love you”…..

I had never seen my wife so surprised and bewildered before! WW3 is averted and thanks, May, you blogging has made a difference today!

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Security Unlimited?

September 28, 2006 at 11:15 p09 (Married Life, Travel)

DSC_4419.JPG, originally uploaded by Grayskullduggery.

When you walk down the aisle, you are no more an island. Your life is forever interlinked with that lady in white. You share her value although you dont necessary take ownership of it.

One of the things that i dont agree 100% with my Yang Berhormat on is the issue of security. She has a very heightened sense of seige mentality and security is paramount in a lot of her decision making and actions.

On the day of the blogger meet, i was supposed to drop her in OneUtama New Wing but she refused to get down at the side below the overhead bridge because she didnt feel safe. There was no characters of suspicious nature in the vicinity but who is going to argue with YB who is in a happy shopping mood/mode?

On our way back to the South, we had about RM60 in our smart tag and should be enough to reach home. But Yang Berhormat insisted that i “tambah nilai” (add value) at the Sg Besi toll, which had a v ery long queue and cars were cutting in from the right all the times. She was worried that the residual value might not be enough and we had to wind down our window later to pay in cash. She felt unsafe winding down our car window in the middle of the night. Well, queue lor, what to do?

Well on another separate incident involving crime and security, my friend from Kota Kemuning office was burgled the week i was there. Lucky his office content was insured and properly back-up. He will be in town today until the Saturday and i will be reciprocating his hospitality. So, my weekend starts early as i will be taking 2 half days off, both today & tomorrow to show him around.

Have a nice weekend and see you guys next week! Updating of KL trip will continue next week!

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About last night

September 5, 2006 at 11:15 p09 (Married Life)

Had a hectic day yesterday and knocked off early at 11 pm. Just when I thought I was going to have eight hours of uninterrupted beauty sleep, Mother Nature decreed otherwise.

The storm last night was amazing. I haven’t heard such loud explosive thunder or seen such bright bolts of lightning in a very long time. I wouldn’t have woken up though, had my wife not called me to close the room window. For a moment there, I thought she was in the “mood” for love.

It is abnormal for my wife to wake me up in the middle of the night. Had I been asked to perform my conjugal duty there and then, I would not have actually minded. But I was too tired and sleepy to initiate it.

It was frustrating because I couldn’t get back to sleep till 2 am, and then as expected, I woke up feeling lousy and unrelaxed… On hindsight, sex in the middle of a thunder storm is not a bad idea. At least I know I will have a good night sleep after that.

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Married man also got to make effort

April 22, 2006 at 11:15 p04 (Married Life)

Yesterday i arranged a dinner at my neighbourhood coffeeshop for my mum-in-law.

After reading mike blog and mother superior insightful comment "the institution of marriage requires effort, women will be doubly pleased if there were some effort in TRYING. ", i decided to do the "TRYING" to ensure that nothing will pop up unexpectedly to spoil the evening.

I go through my mind of the things that will spoil my nite and come out with the following list of action…

  • timing. knowing SO disdain for being late, i ended my work slightly earlier to cater for the friday nite heavier than usual traffic

  • menu. thought about the menu in advance, bearing in mind the preferences of my family members

  • ETD (estimated time of departure). manage the duration to ensure to ensure everyone would be home (except us) to catch the 10 pm " Jewel in the Palace"

We arrived on time at the coffeeshop and manage to put in our order before other diners started streaming in. Dinner started on time. I ordered steamed ching yi, vege with lean meat soup, steamed tauhu with crab floss and fried kai lan. Mum-in-law tried to stopped me from further order as she had just taken a bowl of laksa earlier. For good measure, i put in a final order of prawn with XO sauce. I had selected a "light & oil-less" menu for tonite. The volume was just right and it had gone down well with everyone. All in all, we had a good time and my in-laws, who were staying half an hour away from us managed to reach home in time to catch their favourite tv program.

Some effort in planning had make tonite dinner a little more satisfactory for everyone, especially SO. My wife is my life and soul partner and trying a little harder to be a good husband is definitely worth it. Thank you, MS for that enlightenment on the women's psyche.

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April 9, 2006 at 11:15 p04 (Married Life)

Timing is a personal thing and i cant agree more. No one define time alike.

When i sent SO's mum off to holiday to China last week, arriving two hours at Changi Airport before departure time was considered nearly late. All the relatives had already arrived and we were the last to walk into the departure lounge. Sorry, dear, i promise to camp at Changi Airport before the day your mum come back from China.

When my cousin said Cheng Meng would be at 7 am, so it was normal expectation for out of towner relatives to arrive early like 7 pm and rest well. Mine, arrived at 2 am and took one hour to freshen up before retiring. I like to register a big "thank you" to my 4th cousin-in-law for accomodating all our whims and fancies …

Now i have to adjust my mental clock to these two sets of relatives with pole-apart definition of time.

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High Maintenance

April 6, 2006 at 11:15 p04 (Married Life)

when my friend Fei Loh commented that SO (my girl friend then) looked high-maintenance from a photograph that i showed him two years ago. High maintenance as in expensive taste and upkeep.

Fei Loh was right, in a way….and i am a convert too. But our lifestyle feed neither the owners of fine dining restaurants nor high end boutiques as we keep our high maintenance activities to the upkeep of our apartment and not some businesses in Orchard Road.

Thank you mum-in-law for bringing up such well-balanced kids…

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Baby Hope

April 5, 2006 at 11:15 p04 (Married Life)

Have you heard this one?

"If you want to know how your gf or wife looks like in 30 years time, look at the mother"

SO's mum was in town today and i knocked off early to have dinner with her. For the record, I would not have a clue how SO will look like in 30 years time as she doesn't look like her mum. Except she would not need to join any Marie France's class any time in the next 30 years if she inherit her mum's "slim" genes. Beyond the physical attributes, SO is a near carbon copy of her mum. Of all the siblings, her characters and nuances are the closest to her mother. Both are principled, organised and homely. As i had been an happy go lucky and carefree fellow for most of my life, it is like fitting a square coq into a round hole when i first got married. Being homely myself, i have to work on the 67% rough edge. SO had introduced the order and discipline that i badly needed, both in my personal life and business dealings. This marriage had steadied the ship that was fast losing its direction and slipping into the darkness of the middle age black hole. Maybe, thats one reason i didn't want a kid in the freshman year. There were just too many differences and outstanding issues to iron out. GoD!, unitl today we are still working hard on it. As we counted our blessing of having married for a full 12 months and happy at that, we are ready for a little baby. For that, i have to cut down on that burger, especially the one burns a size $101 in my pocket.

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